It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
