we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
