you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Randomize
