I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
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