I bet he comes in French.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
