My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
