i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
