she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
