you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Randomize
