I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
