he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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