Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
