I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
