your parents love me but you hate me
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
