That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
