D3 body, D1 cock
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Everclear isn't food dammit
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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