you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Randomize
