Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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