shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
two words...techno handjob
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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