there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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