I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Randomize
