roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
