My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
