I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Randomize
