I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
