got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
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