some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
