How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
