Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
