THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
