This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
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