How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
