Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
