you're like a bully in the Christmas story
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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