We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
