Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
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