a queef is a wish your heart makes.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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