i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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