found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
