so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Randomize
