I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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