I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
