no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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