Tell her she can't have a vagina
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
The struggles of a small town man whore
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
