Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
