Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
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