I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
