I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
