Apparently you make a good broom.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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