i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
