do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
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